Have you ever just had one of those days that nothing seemed to go your way? Well, I have been having one of those weeks. Nothing has been horrible, I have just been overwhelmed and I keep asking myself -what can I give up to make things easier. Work? no, Calling? definately, no, School? too late now, 4H? I've already committed, Kids Sports? Between Adam and Cindy I have only had to run him over there twice. So what is making it so hard to find time to breathe?
Yesterday should have been a good day. I was given an award at school for getting on the President's List. Adam came up, everyone was congratulatory. Good day right?
Well, I also had to take a spanish test. I was a week and a half over due and still couldn't wrap my brain around the concepts. My friend Evy had even come over on Saturday and helped me for 2 HOURS! What would I do without good friends? I was cramming right before I it was time to go and take it and my spanish professor walks in the building. There was some question that I wanted to clarify and so I went over to his office to ask. He quickly gave me a response and then asked me something that just floored me. He asked if I would be willing to tutor Spanish 101 students.
"ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME," I thought.
Luckily I said, "Don't you need to, like, I don't know, SPEAK SPANISH to tutor spanish 101?"
"Oh no," he said, "It is just basic vocabulary and conjugation.
I looked at him blankly trying to figure out how in the world he figured that I would be the one for the job!
"No," I said, "there is no way that I can tutor someone in Spanish....there is just no way."
"Please," he said, "I am drowning here."
So there it was...for a second there I was starting to feel priveledged that my teacher thought that I did well enough in Spanish to help someone else...but then I realized, that wasn't it at all -HE was doing the tutoring himself and was just overwhelmed by the time it was taking.
"I'll see what I can do," I said, as I started off to take my test, knowing full well that I would have to say no later... Maybe I could find someone from church or something that would love to make $8.50 an hour for tutoring. I determined that I would ask around and find someone more suited for the job. Like someone that actually spoke Spanish!
Anyways.... so I went to take this test over in the learning center. I was really nervous. The lady that is always there to give me my test, knows that I usually do really well on my spanish tests.
She handed me the test, smiled and said, "I would wish you luck Rachel, but you always do so well, I don't think that you need it."
"Ha!" I thought, "...man do I have these people fooled! I am in way over my head."
I asked to be in the private testing room cuz it is quiet and I like to be able to think when I take a test...go figure. I start the test and did ok for the first 2 of 3 pages and then got to the third page and my mind went blank.
"Present Subjunctive, present subjunctive," I thought.
I knew that I knew this...but nothing came. So here I am sitting in the new private testing room staring at a paper that is asking me to write 6 sentences in present subjective for one situation and 6 sentences in present subjunctive for another situation and I am completely blank. So what do I do?
I start crying of course. Not out and out bawling but that
nervous, I am going to fail, why can't I remember this kind of tear that slowly rolls down your cheek. Thank heavens that I am in a private testing room with no one there, the light had even gone off cuz it is a sensor light and apparently I wasn't moving enough.
I felt like an idiot. Sitting in a testing room, crying over a test.
"Pull it together girl!," I thought.
So I wipe my eyes, do that little flapping hand thing to get the extra water out (cuz that works right?) and write the worst 2 paragraphs ever written in the spanish language.
When I brought the test up to the Learning Center clerk she looked at me puzzled and said, "Wow, Rachel, it doesn't usually take you an hour to take your test."
"Yeah," I replied, "the tests are getting harder. I don't think that I did so well on this one."
So I go back to my office and hide out. If I look way to busy then perhaps my spanish teacher won't stop by to ask how I did. Wouldn't it be horrible to burst out in tears in front of my professor. Luckily, I didn't see him the rest of the day.
So, I go home from my horrible day and get the kids to finish up their homework. I call Adam to see when he might be home and realize that he is not in a good mood either. This should be fun. He gets home grumpy and I am grumpy and things are just not going well. I make dinner, give everyone a kiss and head out for my other class. It is once a week on Tuesdays, a parenting class, taught by Trudy Conley. It is actually a really fun class.
So on the way to class, I call my mom, cuz I needed to talk to someone and right then Adam was not mentally ready to handle my problems. He was having his own problems at work. He needed some time, so I decided that I would talk to him after my class. So, anyways, I call my mom and she asks how I am doing and again...I start crying.
If you know about my medical issue then this could be explained by unbalanced hormones...but that doesn't make it any easier to handle. I unload on my mom (that is what she is there for right?) and she is wonderful and tells me what a wonderful person I am and encourages me to decline the tutoring and consider what else I might be able to drop from my life to make it easier. I pull up to the school for my class and tell my mom goodbye. I realize that flapping the hands in front of my eyes is not going to cut it this time. So I go out, find a bathroom, clean myself up, put on a happy face and get to class. My only goal for the rest of the night is not to cry!
When I got home I just melted into Adam's arms and bored him with the tale. He gave me a squeeze and told me everything was going to be ok. He also told me that after his mission he tested out of Spanish 101 and then tried to test out of Spanish 102 and only got a C on the test. That actually made me feel a little bit better! Husbands are good - I think I will keep mine.
So, life goes on, work goes on, even spanish goes on. I got an A- on my first test and even if I don't do so well on this one I think I can scrap by with at least a B-...that is as low as I like to go ;) Darn that perfectionist in me! My husband also likes to remind me that "C's get Degrees!" I suppose they do...but hopefully I won't have to get any!
If you have made it through this post then thanks for listening! Sometimes I feel like chicken little and run around screaming that the "sky is falling" when really its just life. I promise to be smiling next time you see me! Thanks for all that you do for my family! I love you guys!!!
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